Sick As Your Secrets

   06-02-2018 “ So many things in the world have happened before, but it's like they never did. Every new thing that happens to a person, it's a first.” I allowed an entire year to come and go before I finally decided I should see my primary care physician about the numbness, forgetfulness and my odd behavior. Dr. Odel physician assistant, Kim Morse was a laid back hairy hippie, mustache, beard and sideburns. Really, who am I to judge, mine will look like that in a couple of years. I couldn’t figure her out, I thought, maybe she is gay until she mentioned her husband in our conversation. Maybe, she is a transsexual? What does that mean anyway? I began describing my symptoms to her while she pressed the stethoscope against my chest. Her usual comforting and secure tone changed immediately. “How long…” I repeated, “well it has almost been 12 months”.  Her eyes widened, “I’d like you to see a neurologist today, I’ll override your insurance referral for the urgency. I was no...

06/01/2018 “Flirting with madness was one thing; when madness started flirting back, it was time to call the whole thing off” The pins and needles from my shoulder blade to my fingertips, the numbness in my feet, persisted making it that much harder to fall asleep. I didn’t feel guilt or bewilderment over my behavior in regard to Celeste’s privacy. It became a daily ritual, obsession rather. I was addicted to the adrenal rush of uncovering secrets. I often found myself fantasizing and hoping I would find something she was hiding, sexually motivated. Should I feel ashamed? I guess that is what’s concerning. If I did have a friend, I would confess to them that I had been snooping around her emails, her phone, reading her journal and her backpack… I would confide in my friend about the sexless marriage and how un-satisfying it was and continued to be. Yes, an open marriage would be acceptable. I confidently walk up to the receptionist class window. “I’m here to see Shelly.” I proclaim....