Sick As Your Secrets

 01/26/25 "I want to meet you in every place that I have loved." She stared at me intensely.                     “ you have the most beautiful blue eyes”. I hold her hand firmly against my body, I pull her even closer by holding her waist with both hands. I kiss her lips, softly. We are as close as we can. As she surrenders herself to me. I broke the kiss, staring at her silent, feeling her hot and panting breath, her heartbeat racing. It felt perfect, because that's exactly what we were. I whisper into her ear.                               “ I love you and you are everything I've ever wanted.” Kissing her neck.                                   “ I love you too Jamie (middle name)”. Surreal. All I wanted was for time to stand still...

01/25/2025 "Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn't stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren't having any of those.” Baby. I'm calling for Dez, my voice loud and unabashed. I go through life as if it were made for me. Never had to forge my own path, because that was already done for me the day I was born. "Here, baby." I can hear the washing machine water. She answers quieter; calm and soft. She peeks her head around the corner into the hallway as I approach her. Kissing her lips to greet her. HOME. I felt at home, once again. Waiting all day for that very moment I get to see her beautiful face and feel her loving embrace. The first time we hooked up was our first date, nearly 3 weeks ago. Since then we'd met up every single day every night together and oddly enough I wasn...

01/21/25 "open your eyes and see what you can before they close forever." I take my shirt off. Black lacey bra matching my g-string. I pulled my tiny black skirt off around my ankles black stiletto heels stayed on. I took a selfie. I sent it to her. I slide my hand into the top of my gstring. I'm wet. I separated my lips and now massaged my clit. I take my bra off. Selfie. I sent it to her. I take my panties off. Laying in my bed. I video myself touching my wet pussy. I add one finger inside and then two fingers. In and out in and out. I hit my g-spot, I moan her name. I go deeper. Slower. Oh my God I'm so wet for her. Faster, harder. Thinking about her between my legs, eyes looking up at me, I came so hard saying her name. Is this too much? Should I send this to her? I've only known for 4 days.  I video myself again that day. A vibrator. I touch myself soaking wet, push the vibrator into my tight pussy. Lick my left hand from my fingers down to my palm, my le...

  January 9th 2025  “I eat, everything tastes so good I can't get the taste out of it when I look at something say the lake the waves are so green and the foam so white that it seems I can't look at it hard enough, there seems to be something there that I can't get at and even when I'm with you I can't seem to be with you enough.” I got high off of it. I juiced, I fasted, I detoxed, macro-ed, jumped, stretched, ran, and sweated. I tonic-ed, saged. I drink tea that gave you diarrhea. I'm willing to do anything and that's f****** commitment. There was so much frantic hope in the process. I would get euphoric imagining how much better my life would be, if I could be a little bit skinnier. My eating disorder began all the way back to when I was 12 years old. I think my mother instilled that in me. She was always so in shape counting calories running on the treadmill long in the mornings eating vegetables and staying very thin. I remember she would always tell m...