Sick As Your Secrets

"I'll never forget the beginning of our falling apart." If you say your feelings have changed and you do not love me anymore. Why do you end every phone call with I love you so much? You don't want to fall in love with me again. That's why you stay so far away from me. Refuse to see me in person. I know how you feel when you look at me.  Your eyes have never lied to me.  Why do you send me messages when I'm silent, trying so hard to get over you?  Late night text and early morning phone calls.  The lonely hours.  Don't you have someone new for that now?  Are you tossing and turning because you can't stop thinking about us or silence your heart.  You can't retain the memories of us and finally when you're at your loneliness point you begin to miss me, you remember our connection, the energy.  The immediate vibe we had.  Can you not deal with the heavy sound of loneliness, even with her lying next to you in bed?  So, message me always duri...

"she belonged entirely to that exact moment." it happens in every single relationship i hate the cycle.  a never ending spiral of decisions as if we have never made them, ever.  we know the outcome someone glances no moves are made. stillness of the night  an arrow splits our heads no kissing tonight no touching no rubbing i hate our cycle fine, ill be grateful for it i never got over the death of the old you the perfect one, the one without red flags. I'm in love with the old you I'm having a hard time accepting the new you do i even love the new? the new doesn't want me doesn't kiss me  she certainly doesn't flirt or text me dirty little messages during the day she is withdrawn anti social and cold moody always it is very hard for me to be aroused by the new you lacking sex appeal  I'm dry why what happened? where is the old you? what was citrus, pink blossoming roses, champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries,  now a cold window on your frozen che...

  May 28th, 2025 "Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake, help us see we are worth so much more than we're settling for." Time moves, but we stood still. Our love. Once fluid, turned into glass. Conversations felt thin ice every word a careful step. I spoke, silence answered. For months. Hands held, warmth slipped away. Little things, once enduring, now etched discomfort into our bones. Can we rewind the past? Can we retrace the roads fading beneath fragile glass? Dreams are echoes and reality wakes us both too soon.  I still remember the sound of your voice, your feet on the pavement. Tentative. Careful. You weren't sure if you were allowed to want this again. Us again. You wore your Burger King black shirt, soft tight clinging just enough to remind me of all the ways you were. All the times I watched you unbutton your shirt, or when you let me unbutton your shirt. Slip my hands in and press against your breasts. You'd always been so sexy, handsome to ...

May 22nd, 2025 "Dear Cupid, next time, hit both." I tried to love you even when I was scared, alone and you weren't there to comfort me,  ... even by a text. I went through trauma, trials and tribulations. All the while getting over the loss of you, of us. I lost myself in this pain. You already had time to emotionally prepare, months before, you replaced me with someone else.  Ouch.  I wish you had met me halfway. With WHOLENESS. With FULLNESS. With entirety.  Even when you were scared. I have been afraid too. And I am tired.  I was patient, I was fair, respectful, I was loving. I didn't just say the words, like you did. I showed it. I loved you even after letting you go. I miss you even after saying it. You mattered to me. You were always my first option, while I remained your last. At first, you tried to feel the same. But without follow through you left me bleeding, alone. My commitment, my love. It wasn't enough for you... Not because you are a bad person ...

05/14/2025 "We stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. but it was the kind of nothing that meant everything. " I'm sorry, I can't give you the time, you deserve …she typed. Followed with a crying emoji sign.  And then came… I want space right now…this isn't for me anymore. I held my phone crying because she was being the better person and actually letting go. And that takes me to now. This current time in history. She called it off, no text no phone calls we're just done. Strangers. We never happened if I can convince myself of that, I'd be happy again and in therapy. I watched the cinders of her spirit and the empty paralysis crowding my bedroom floor at night. 

 05/09/2025 Harness your own energy, feel the power within. “SAY SOMETHING HOT TO ME IN SPANISH.” “JALAPENO!” Baby…got me thinking about you, again. And when I think about you I can't keep my hands off myself. I'm here to help you too. Soon you two will be nothing but a needy wet mess for me. Bet.  I know, you usually are in control, let's change that just for tonight. I want you to do exactly what I say. And don't you dare think about coming before me or without my permission. How do you like that, a little taste of your own medicine ? Lie down in your bed, get comfy, I'm sure you've had a long day working both of your jobs.  Slowly take off your shirt. Your pants. Let your hands glide over your soft skin. I wish I could be there to kiss your lips, slide my tongue into your mouth, looking at you. Handsome and ready to be loved.  Don't touch yourself yet. Slow down! Just lay there for a minute and think about your aching pussy is your clit throbbing waitin...