evanescent
June 23rd, 2013
Suddenly, this is all too hard. I am tired of putting up walls. I want someone with the strength- and the honesty-to break them down.
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears. I wish you would just leave, your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.
My white chevy truck swerved on the I-10, tires hit the dirt adjacent to the black asphalted road. I shouldn’t drink and drive. Erratic. I’m crying over fucking spilled milk. I navigate my way to a truck stop, 16 miles away from my bed. I just needed a minute, stop crying. Turn off the emo songs.
Your face haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice chased away all the sanity in me.
Desperately, I’m grasping at sobriety. I sit on the edge of a pointy rock, my legs open exposing everything underneath and the breeze of air feels so good... sweat droplets crawl down my inner thigh. Mistaken the sweaty water to be tiny bugs, smacking my thighs until they were beat red.
I know. I know. But... I hate wearing underwear, in fact I wasn’t wearing a bra either. I hate wearing clothes. My mom used to tell me she’d have to keep bells on my shoes so she could find me. Unfortunately, the bells didn’t always work either, I’d make a fort, and be found reading Nancy Drew, Babysitters or The Boxcar Children butt ass naked in her walk-in closet, while the other kids played outside in the backyard.
Desperately, I’m grasping at sobriety. I sit on the edge of a pointy rock, my legs open exposing everything underneath and the breeze of air feels so good... sweat droplets crawl down my inner thigh. Mistaken the sweaty water to be tiny bugs, smacking my thighs until they were beat red.
I know. I know. But... I hate wearing underwear, in fact I wasn’t wearing a bra either. I hate wearing clothes. My mom used to tell me she’d have to keep bells on my shoes so she could find me. Unfortunately, the bells didn’t always work either, I’d make a fort, and be found reading Nancy Drew, Babysitters or The Boxcar Children butt ass naked in her walk-in closet, while the other kids played outside in the backyard.
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.
Staring up at the sky, fighting back tears and memories of my family. You know, how it used to be...
Evanescence, my immortal is playing on my iPod. The alcohol completely defeats my body and mind. Fuck, I’m being pathetic. I want to change. I want to be different. The harder that I try, it seems like the further way I am. I don’t know what to believe. I have promised, committed, sworn, insured, oh, the lies.
When I cried, you’d wipe away all of my tears. When I’d scream, you’d fight away all of my fears. And you held your hand through all of these years. You still have all of me, me, me.
Memories live on forever, my immortal.
Staring up at the sky, fighting back tears and memories of my family. You know, how it used to be...
Evanescence, my immortal is playing on my iPod. The alcohol completely defeats my body and mind. Fuck, I’m being pathetic. I want to change. I want to be different. The harder that I try, it seems like the further way I am. I don’t know what to believe. I have promised, committed, sworn, insured, oh, the lies.
When I cried, you’d wipe away all of my tears. When I’d scream, you’d fight away all of my fears. And you held your hand through all of these years. You still have all of me, me, me.
Memories live on forever, my immortal.
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