rhythm of the blast

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June 9th 2024

 "But right now everything looks strange to me, as if I don't belong here. Its me that's out of place. And the worst thing is that I feel there's somewhere I do belong, but i just cant find it. "


"wanna be my lover... wanna be my lover?" over and over in my head. I can't even remember when I last heard that song but I woke up, two days ago and its still in my head. Correct, I have not slept for two days or so... ugh. I'm gaining so much weight, I am fat. All my shorts are super tight and some of them. I can't even button the top button. Classy. Cute. I am eating trash, depressed as fuck and not working out anymore. Cheap food isn't healthy. Randomly just thought about sobering up this weekend. HERE we go with the sobering up battle. No one is here in the house, I could just watch tv with Beanz. UGH. I think that is my problem, I keep trying to do it oN my own terms without any support or help. No accountability. I want to make better choices, not end up like Celeste. She even has an active warrant out in Arizona. She's a fugitive.


My arms are quivering, my bicep is twitching. I cannot stop bouncing in my seat and swaying side to side. Trying to keep myself awake.


AND NOW I AM THINKING... I HAVE many questions have for Celeste. 







  

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