lessons learned

-
August 7th, 2024



"Pain is transformative. We are programmed for it to be the fastest lesson we will ever learn."


My heart is black.

Don't give me love that is subtle.

If you are coming for me, come bare knuckled with guns blazing.

Come ready to wipe soot off my heart, which was badly burned.

And come bravely or not at all.

Timidity bores me, straight laced innocence is an attractive and anything ordinary must be meant for someone else.

Not me.

So go.

I want love like lightning and passion that borderlines violence.

I said border lines… if you hit people, red flag.

No thank you lesson learned.


I still remember walking away from my own body and if I can do that what makes you think I'll wait for anything that isn't everything?


I'm not in this for safety and security.

I can handle myself.

Give me all of your knives and cut me open.

But please don't cut me too deep.

I have become so calloused that my touch is rough for anyone soft.

So, have a backbone.

My heart is black.

My eyes wide open.

I smile often.

I'll always love too hard or not at all.

Spades. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

check box

-
Image
October 5th 2025  I’m burning in despair Love which you distanced from me Return once again I’ll forgive you again. I think about taking you by the hand, walking to the shoreline in the sand under the stars in the moonlight. Nothing could make me happier than spend my life with you. Maybe everything I've done, every decision I've made, every lesson learned, every place I've gone was to leave me right to you. Faith? Hope? Do I believe? You ask.  What would you say when I tell you that all of the libraries on this Earth can't possibly hold all of the volumes of books that I could write filled with the intricate descriptions of your beauty and my feelings for you?  Do you understand the depths? I cannot wait for the day, I can transform hours intO OURS.  HOW LONG MUST I WAIT? FOREVER, IS OKAY. WHEN WE LIVE TOGETHER SIDE BY SIDE, HAND IN HAND, CAN KISSES BE OUR CURRENCY? HUGS OUR CREDIT?  I don't ask for much. I am loving enough, nothing is too much for you. I hope ...
Read more

smut

-
Image
01/21/25 "open your eyes and see what you can before they close forever." I take my shirt off. Black lacey bra matching my g-string. I pulled my tiny black skirt off around my ankles black stiletto heels stayed on. I took a selfie. I sent it to her. I slide my hand into the top of my gstring. I'm wet. I separated my lips and now massaged my clit. I take my bra off. Selfie. I sent it to her. I take my panties off. Laying in my bed. I video myself touching my wet pussy. I add one finger inside and then two fingers. In and out in and out. I hit my g-spot, I moan her name. I go deeper. Slower. Oh my God I'm so wet for her. Faster, harder. Thinking about her between my legs, eyes looking up at me, I came so hard saying her name. Is this too much? Should I send this to her? I've only known for 4 days.  I video myself again that day. A vibrator. I touch myself soaking wet, push the vibrator into my tight pussy. Lick my left hand from my fingers down to my palm, my le...
Read more

stupid fire

-
Image
 05/09/2025 Harness your own energy, feel the power within. “SAY SOMETHING HOT TO ME IN SPANISH.” “JALAPENO!” Baby…got me thinking about you, again. And when I think about you I can't keep my hands off myself. I'm here to help you too. Soon you two will be nothing but a needy wet mess for me. Bet.  I know, you usually are in control, let's change that just for tonight. I want you to do exactly what I say. And don't you dare think about coming before me or without my permission. How do you like that, a little taste of your own medicine ? Lie down in your bed, get comfy, I'm sure you've had a long day working both of your jobs.  Slowly take off your shirt. Your pants. Let your hands glide over your soft skin. I wish I could be there to kiss your lips, slide my tongue into your mouth, looking at you. Handsome and ready to be loved.  Don't touch yourself yet. Slow down! Just lay there for a minute and think about your aching pussy is your clit throbbing waitin...
Read more

help

-
Image
August 23rd, 2025 " “Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.” I am having painful thoughts, I don't know how to live, anymore. I haven't written it in the last couple of days. I'm blocked mentally. I feel hopeless, defeated, and suicidal. I'm trying so hard to stay above water, barely breathing. I don't know if I could do it here, kill myself, with Celeste around. She'd be the one to find me and I don't think she'd be able to handle more trauma. I'd have to go, elsewhere. Maybe, the beach. Somewhere, I used to...
Read more

butterfly effect

-
Image
"If I read our story backwards, its about how I un-broke your heart and then we were happy until one day, your forgot about me forever. " You'll probably get your own chapter, I'll title it Dezbian. The only thing that is helping me process everything, is this writing. It's helping me not text you, call you, react and say a bunch of mean things to you. That's not right, that's how I lost you anyway. Do you remember our first date? We met at the kava bar. You couldn't drink because of probation.  I'll never forget how nervous I was all day. I got pretty tipsy before I picked you up at your homeboy's house. You were playing it so cool. That was just you though so calm, cool, collected and relaxed just about everything. Balance you would say. I was always the opposite loud, anxious , excited just a hot mess. It was snowing, it was really hard we stopped at the gas station before I got out I remember thinking in my head you never see me outside of ...
Read more