survival

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 11/12/24    


"she knew how to love now and how to let go. Whatever came next, she would survive it, too." 

I've been thinking for a while, healing, trying...

I have been loving the wrong way, I have been loving from survival.

how I showed up, 

how I gave,

how I clung, 

how I tried 

how I obsessed. 

It's all rooted in the fear of being left behind, just abandoned. 

Trying to be enough. 

Trying to matter. 

The truth is? The survival version... that's not me. I don't want it to be. Survival isn't…real love. 

So I sit here and ask myself, Who am I?

I'm soft. 

I am genuine. 

I care deeply.

I'm direct.

I don't play games.

I'm not silent when it comes to feelings.

I speak up and I show it. 

I'm rooted & I'm real. 

No, I'm not perfect. 

Still flawed.

Always healing.

Fluent in my own damn emotions.

I feel my shit.

I name it.

I give it space to breathe, and I keep going. 

I'm not stuck in it. 

I'm aware.

I don't run away anymore. 

I don't fake peace or happiness. 

That's how I'm different today. 

Why am I the way I am? 

This is it!

I have been loving from fear, which isn't love!!!

It's not surviving through love anymore. 

I'm living in it.





x

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