angry bitch

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April 20th, 2025



The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.

This uncomfortable rush of sadness washes over me. She won't be able to afford to move to Denver, has to stay in Fort Collins. What is she going to do, live with Jack the rest of her life? She gracefully moved to the next topic.


I am thinking, wait, what? PAUSE! What does this mean for me for us? You have asked me to wait, thinking surely when you're done with probation and we move to Denver together and things will change. And I promise I was going to wait! Now what? Just see you in hotel rooms and cars, only when you need me or want to see me? I'm not even sure what words would be right to even say now. What is she trying to say? This is me being nice and telling you we will never be together, don't wait. You can't possibly believe I'm fine with you living with Jack. I cannot stand him, he is controlling, rude and you allow him to walk all over you. I'm not even "allowed" to come over anymore because of him... what the fuck kind of bullshit is that?


Then you proceed to tell me, that you had a friend over to your house the other night after work, "to kick it". ALRIGHT, HERE COME THE LIES FLOWING FREELY FROM YOUR MOUTH. FUCK. First of all, what friend? You guys had a JAM session? AT MIDNIGHT!? That doesn't even make any sense, you always are telling me to be quiet because of Jack and the baby, but you had a "friend" over after work and Jack was okay with that? hummmmm.... your story isn't lining up Dezaray.


I'm angry, pissed off and wanting this night to end, before I fucking blow a fuse. I can't write as fast as my brain is going… you made me feel so worthless.


Like do you do this shit on purpose? Is this your way of getting attention? Do you try to make me so upset? Do you want me to feel like the least important thing in your life?

And suddenly I don't even know if I want to see you. I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to fuck you all night let you into my heart just to be treated like this again. I don't want to take steps backwards, but fuck. So I'm doing these days. I think it's all these little young girls. Like sshhhhhhhhhhit grow up, make decisions and don't fucking bring me down to your level. I've been immature I don't want to feel like this. You aren't making me feel loved anymore and I'm building a nasty spiteful attitude towards everything you.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so much hatred in my heart.

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