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April 20th, 2025

"Unrequited love may be painful, but it is safely painful, because it does not involve inflicting damage on anyone but one-self, a private pain that is bittersweet as it is self-induced. but as soon as love is reciprocated, one must be prepared to give up the passivity of simply being hurt to take on the responsibility of perpetrating hurt oneself."



Relationship status?

ummm... well, It's complicated.

It's a complicated thing, you know, love.

It's the sensation that bubbles over in your chest, next to your heart and makes everything light air to breathe and fill up your lungs; in and out, life or death, to love or not to love.

Isn't that the question after all?

It takes journeys across the world, sailing uncharted waters. It's as deep as the sea, dark as the night sky.

It is a sinking feeling when you are underwater for too long, coming up to the surface, desperate for air.

You breathe in deep and try to take in more than your lungs can feel, selfishly. 

It's desperate, it's risky. 

It is a serotonin, a dopamine, that refuses to be recreated.
 
It is a rejection that brings its prey down down under, between those sharpened claws. 
It can only be love.

Love refuses to be felt in one way... this love, anyways.

I love a lot of things; music, writing, piano, running, my dog, food, books, programming, tequila, dancing. I could go on and on about all of the things I love. There is a love missing from this list, a feeling that requires attention, care, raw emotion and vulnerability. This is the deepest love you will ever ever feel. One that will be broken and be put back together. 

Hopefully, this love is essential. 

Like the role of the tide, and there are many stages to love. I'm just not certain which stage this is... 

Reassurance, that everything I have released into the waves of the ocean will soon wash up to the shore again. 

The love of oneself and to be so madly in love with someone else, to fall in love so quickly and so dangerously. This is the glue which holds everything together. 

You will feel alive, worthy. 

You'll have purpose.
 
It motivates, pushes, releases, blossoms, suspends, bends and finally it breaks. 

Until eventually, abandoned. And this love. 

This love well, it comes in waves. 

Forever. 

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