open book

 April 12th 2025 

"But if you have to go, then go. Go if it hurts. Go if it's time. Just go knowing you were loved, that I will never forget you, that you will live in everything Connor and I do. Go knowing I love you purely, Harry, that you were an amazing father. Go knowing I told you all my secrets. Because you were my best friend."

At first, she was an open book, vulnerable and emotionally available. Everyone thinks they know her, even I did. Most of her pages are torn... You know, those parts she doesn't let anyone see. The problem is that was most of her book. There were parts I didn't want anyone to see. What if they did and took away my book? 

Well, that's just fucking selfish!

I wanted to know more about her forever. I wanted to memorize every single page, every single word of her book. I wanted to hold her the way you hold fragile glass art with that sort of delicacy. You don't just step over books or on them. Rude. Almost disrespectfully. To whom? The author?

She was young, too young. Yet she had let many people violate her boundaries, and abandon her. I wanted to show her just how rare of a book she was. Exquisite. Extraordinary. Significant. Her spine; collapsed, defective, broken. One too many times. Page lost, ripped and torn. 

Rarely, would she allowed me to trace my fingers over her spine, providing the necessary attention, protection and support. I tried and I tried, maybe too hard. I desperately wanted to heal her, like my cleric in Everquest, a true master of healing, armor buffs and curing. Throwing fireballs and casting spells filled with healing powers. I wanted so badly to put the pages back into the book, organized, meticulous and perfect. That's what made her. She's not proud of them, but I'm proud of them. Torn or not. She used to be an open book. Until our chapter ended without a sequel, without an ending.