healing again

 07/27/25

"Hearts are breakable, and I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before".”

Some days feel normal, like nothing happened. I get up eat breakfast, grab a coffee get to work.

    It's weird isn't it? How you feel like you are doing okay, then suddenly feel stuck again? I thought I was healing getting back on my feet, independently. Maybe, I still am. But healing isn't about forgetting. Sometimes it looks like remembering everything, but choosing not to reach out. I think about her, not just the happiness but the quiet ones too. Like how she used to breathe when she'd be asleep, or her silence when she hold her breath after hitting her tank. The way her text messages sounded like comfort, even if they were short.

    I hate that, I do remember all of that, I do.

    Maybe, this is what it means to be stuck, between not fully holding on but not fully letting go either. They say that time heals all wounds. What if I'm not really moving forward, I'm just learning to carry the weight of all of this?

    I keep writing not because I expect answers but because it's the only way I can breathe, especially when the silence gets too loud. Maybe this isn't about healing, maybe it's about being honest that I'm just not there.

Not yet. But everyday, I'm trying.