inter fade

July 29th, 2025  

 

In your life you will meet shooting stars. You will see them, make your wish and see them disappear.

    I'm a creature of habit. I'm sitting again in the same corner of silence at Dunkin' Donuts. Here, the world never asks questions and I wouldn't give an answer anyway. People come and go. People came and went conversations, laughter filled the air. I just stayed still, pretending to have a purpose, occupied. It was the echo of my own thoughts that were deafening, louder than any voice around me. It was always loudest when she wasn't around, strange right? The absence of something could still shake me harder than its presence.

    Every day, I've asked myself the same question that haunted me the spaces between each one of my ribs. Was it me? It had to be, she made time for someone else, she put effort into the relationship. She doesn't seem to be depressed. Suicidal? She's working on bettering herself she's constantly expressing the love she has for this new girl. Publicly.

    So was it me? What if it was?

    Everything that slipped through the cracks every silence, every pull away, every misunderstood word... what if it all started because of me? Maybe I said too much, and too little about the shit that actually mattered. Maybe, I cared too much, maybe I waited for her to understand everything I couldn't say.

    I never ever meant to hurt her the way that I did. That much. I didn't know how to carry my heart while trying to hold someone else's too.

    I wasn't cruel. I was cautious.

    I wasn't cold. I was scared.

    I wasn't ruthless, I was hurt.

    In the quiet of this moment, the sun rises to start a new day. Maybe, today will be different. I just can't help but wonder if the fault was mine alone.

    Then again, no heartbreaks because of one person alone. I tried! I tried so hard, maybe too hard. I stayed longer than I should have. That's what I need to remember, trying hard doesn't always come with a reward. It should come with grace.

I don't think of her every second anymore not like before when her name used to fill every pause in my day. Now, she comes in quietly. I'm not the villain in this love story, the girl who loved in silence, lost in her own storm and writes peace into pages that had already ended. All the questions I'll never have answers to. And finally I am starting to forgive the one person that matters the most, me.